sail
by VictoryNike
Summary: "One more question," he promised quietly, turning away from her for a moment before asking it. "What's my name?" He locked eyes with her again. She stared at him blankly. "...I don't know."
1. Part 1

sail

_by victorynike_

* * *

_This is how I show my love  
I made it in my mind because  
I blame it on my A.D.D. baby_

* * *

She heard little pieces, snippets of conversation that she did not understand. But between them were mindless sleep and vague nightmares, and she drifted between them until she could no longer distinguish which was which.

* * *

"Really, Mr. Potter, this is getting ridiculous. You've got to go back to the dormitories!"

"I'm fine where I am, Professor McGonagall, thanks."

* * *

_Pale face, lidless red eyes, a thin mouth curled into a smile. _

* * *

"People are saying that it was a potions experiment gone wrong. They're saying Lily tried to brew the Draught of Living Death and it blew up in her face! Can you believe the _nerve_…"

"People are going to spread rumors, Alice. They don't know...they don't know what happened."

"That's no excuse, Mary! I've even heard some people suggesting that she took the potion herself! Of course I hexed the git who said it-"

"James said it was a memory charm."

"It was. That's what he said..."

"So when she wakes up, she might not remember us?"

"I...I don't know."

* * *

_She was terrified. A woman was laughing maniacally and pulling her, holding her arms behind her back as she struggled to fight back. But the woman only laughed harder._

"_Lets see how dirty her blood _really _is!" And then she unsheathed the knife._

* * *

"Any update on Miss Evans's condition, Madam Pomfrey?"

"I'm afraid not, Headmaster. We'll just have to see what she remembers when she wakes up."

"Send word immediately when she does, Poppy. I'll see to it that her family is notified."

"Headmaster? Er...one more thing."

"Yes, Poppy?"

"Could perhaps something be done about the Potter boy? He refuses to leave."

"The poor boy has been through a lot as well. Let him be."

* * *

Her eyelids slid open. She stared upward blearily, a white ceiling came into focus.

She caught a flash of messy black hair before someone grabbed her hand.

"She's awake!" a masculine voice called happily.

There were scurrying footsteps down the hall.

"Who's awake?" she asked no one in particular, still blinking at the white ceiling. Her voice was gravelly, rough. She didn't realize it was hers.

Someone peered over her, filling her vision with hazel eyes and messy hair. "You are!" he said, and he smiled.

"At last! Run and fetch Professor Dumbledore at once!" a new voice said fussily. "Look at me, dear, that's right."

She turned her head and focused on a woman dressed in white.

"Lets see what you remember. What's your name?"

She stared. "My name is Lily Evans."

And the moment she said it she knew.

"How many fingers am I holding up?" contributed the boy.

"Four." Lily replied.

"Who is the current Minister of Magic?" the woman asked again.

"Millicent Bagnold."

The boy continued. "What's your favorite subject?"

"Charms."

"What year is it?"

"1978."

"What house are you in?"

"Gryffindor."

On and on it went, and slowly Lily found herself remembering who she was.

Until, finally, the boy hesitated.

"What-D'you remember what happened to you?"

He looked at her intently, and she registered that his eyes were a rich color somewhere in between gold and brown.

"What do you mean?" she asked, confused.

"Do you remember what happened last week? When you were attacked…"

"What?! No." Lily cried, lost once more. "I don't know!"

She didn't want to go back to not knowing, to not understanding. She was just beginning to remember...so why didn't she remember being _attacked_? Against her will, tears began to well in her eyes. Why was this happening? Merlin...she wanted...she wanted her mother. She was seventeen years old, and she wanted her mother. What was going on?

"Evans, its okay," the boy said quickly. "Don't-it's not important anyways."

If it wasn't important then why was he asking her? If it was okay then why did she feel like something was missing?

"One more question," he promised quietly, turning away from her for a moment before asking it. "What's my name?"

He locked eyes with her again. She stared.

"I don't know."

* * *

**Author's Note: **This is the first of a four or five piece story. Unlike other stories I have written in the past, nearly _the entire story has already been written_ prior to the posting of this first part. Chapters will be posted weekly on Sundays. Of course, reviews are always welcome and can greatly speed up the posting.

This piece is rather peculiar in my opinion. It was written in an unusual mood and written, as the title may suggest, nearly entirely while listening to the song _Sail_ by AWOLNATION. If you would like the full feel of the story, I suggest you listen to it as well.

**Once again, your reviews are greatly appreciated and a particularly thoughtful one may result in a quicker post of the next chapter! Thank you, and kindly drop a review if you have a moment.**

Yours,

VictoryNike

_June 20, 2014_


	2. Part 2

sail

_{part 2}_

_by victorynike_

* * *

_This is how an angel dies_

_Blame it on my own sick pride_

_Blame it on my A-D-D baby_

* * *

_"__One more question," he promised quietly, turning away from her for a moment before asking it. "What's my name?"_

_He locked eyes with her again. She stared. _

_"__I don't know."_

* * *

He blinked. His face fell, his eyes disappointed. He swallowed and looked away.

"Okay." he said softly.

Lily didn't understand why, but she felt like she should apologize. Who was he, and why did it hurt him so much that she didn't know him? Should she know him?

Why did she feel so horrible for filling those eyes with pain?

But she didn't know, and the urge to sleep was overpowering. She succumbed.

* * *

_The cruel blade slit her pale skin, leaving a trail of pain like fire across her forearm. Dark blood fell from the wounds, staining the ground. Lily screamed. The woman laughed. The blade etched the word, scarred it into her skin, the word that had ruined everything and begun everything all at once. _

_Mudblood._

* * *

"Miss Evans."

Someone was shaking her gently. She sat up suddenly, breathing heavily. Just a dream. Just a dream.

"Professor Dumbledore!" she cried.

"Its nice to see you awake, Lily." Dumbledore said, inclining his head. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine, thank you," Lily said, a little shakily. Professor Dumbledore would tell her what was wrong. Professor Dumbledore would tell her why she was in the Hospital Wing.

"Do you know why you are here, Lily?" Dumbledore asked, fixing her with his blue gaze.

"No, sir." Lily fought to keep the edge out of her voice. She hated this, feeling lost and confused.

"I take it you do not have any recollection whatsoever of the events of last Saturday." Professor Dumbledore continued.

She sighed. "I don't know what happened, sir."

"I have also been informed that you have no memory of Mr. Potter here, either." Professor Dumbledore indicated the hazel-eyed boy.

Merlin, did he ever leave?

The boy-Potter- gave her a wry smile. Her breath caught involuntarily.

"No, sir." Lily confirmed, averting the boy's eyes.

"However, your memory seems to be intact in all other respects, correct?" Dumbledore asked, looking at Lily intently.

"Yes, sir." Lily said, growing impatient. "Now...er, would you please tell me what supposedly happened last week?"

Professor Dumbledore sighed. "Ms. Evans, yourself and Mr. Potter were attacked near Hogsmeade by a group of Death Eaters led by Bellatrix Lestrange. We believe you are suffering from a poorly-performed but intact memory charm performed that night."

"Bellatrix Lestrange…"

Images raced through Lily's mind.

_A maniacal laugh. Crazed, dark, merciless eyes. A moonless night. A short, silver knife._

_Mudblood._

A sudden, unbearable pain seared across her left forearm.

She seized her left sleeve and pulled it up.

Etched cruelly into her skin, set permanently in scars, was the word, still covered with her dried blood.

Mudblood.

"No." she said unreasonably. "NO!"

It would be there forever, a constant reminder of who she was and all she wasn't. She would never leave the pain the word brought behind. She could never rid herself of Bellatrix's mark.

She threw the bedcovers off and rose. She stumbled, but righted herself clumsily and broke into a run.

She heard people calling after her, but she didn't know, didn't care. She turned toward Madam Pomfrey's office and wrenched open the faucet. She shoved her arm beneath the flowing water and scrubbed and scrubbed. The wounds reopened, the bubbles turned red.

_Mudblood._

_No. _

"Stun her!" someone yelled, and then there was darkness.

* * *

"She still doesn't remember you?" a new voice, another male's.

"No. She doesn't." Potter replied tiredly.

"That's rough, Prongs."

Potter sighed softly. "Padfoot, when she saw the scars she lost it."

"Who wouldn't?"

"Yeah. It's just-what'll happen when she finds out what else happened?"

"I don't know."

* * *

She awoke wearily. The Hospital Wing was dark. She reached for the lamp on the table, her arm unexpectedly heavy. She noted the tight bandaging on her left forearm.

One thing was for sure. She wasn't getting any answers in the Hospital Wing. Maybe someone in Gryffindor Tower could tell her what had actually happened. She reached automatically across the bedside table, feeling for her wand. It wasn't there. She slid open the drawer, searched the floor. Had they taken it?

"Where are you going, Evans?"

Lily froze. It was the Potter boy, of course, sitting in an armchair beside her bed, dark circles beneath his eyes.

"I'm leaving." She glared at him, daring him to stop her. "And so should you. I've never seen you leave...why is that?"

Who was this messy haired idiot who stayed beside her day and night? Why did she feel like she should know him when she didn't? And what had happened last Saturday in Hogsmeade?

"Evans if you don't lie down Pomfrey'll skin me alive." he commented mildly, running a hand through his hair, making it stand even more on end.

"Where's my wand?" she demanded.

"Dumbledore took it. What do you expect? Yesterday you scratched your arm open and-"

"Oh, so he thinks I'm unstable?" Lily retorted, her temper flaring.

"Well seeing as you were planning to escape from the hospital wing in a dressing gown with parts of your memory missing and no wand, you're not exactly proving otherwise, are you?" Potter said, though not unkindly.

Lily felt angry color rise to her cheeks.

"Look, Evans…" he sighed. "Please stay here, okay? Wait until your arm heals. You'll get your answers, I promise."

He looked incredibly tired himself, like he hadn't slept properly in days.

"Fine."

Lily sat down on her bed and leaned back against her pillows, staring at the ceiling.

After a few moments, he spoke.

"You don't remember anything about me at all?"

"No." She didn't. Why did he keep asking her that?

More silence. Lily felt herself dozing again.

"Once, we started a brawl in Greenhouse Four with the Slytherins, d'you remember that?" How was it that he could speak so softly and still fill the entire room with his voice?

"Vaguely…" She recalled dueling shadows silhouetted against the greenish light filtering through the greenhouse roof, her own laughter adding to the din.

Potter continued. "I was carrying a tray full of Bubtober Pus and I must have tripped or something...somehow I ended up dumping _the entire tray_ on Mulciber's head."

"Wish I remembered that," Lily replied, feeling herself smile as she imagined Potter "accidentally" dumping Bubtober Pus on Mulciber's fat head.

"Then he pulls out his wand to hex me, right? But before he can, you chuck a Snargaluff Pod at him..."

"Really?"

"Yeah. But then he ducks, and the Snargaluff Pod hits Crabbe instead…"

Lily started laughing.

"...And it all just escalated from there." he finished.

"Wow. I really wish I remembered that." Lily said sleepily but genuinely.

Another silence, though a contented one.

"Why are you always here?" she asked finally, closing her eyes drowsily. Merlin had they given her sleep potion or something?

But she was asleep before she heard his answer.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Your reviews and feedback are always appreciated. Nearly the entire story has been _pre-written_ and will be posted every Sunday, although reviews may prompt me to post earlier. :)

Thank you for your time.

Yours,

VictoryNike

_7/27/2014_


	3. Part 3

sail

_{part 3}_

_by victorynike_

* * *

_Maybe I should cry for help  
Maybe I should kill myself (myself)  
Blame it on my A.D.D. baby_

* * *

_"Why are you always here?" she asked finally, closing her eyes drowsily. Merlin had they given her sleep potion or something?_

_But she was asleep before she heard his answer._

* * *

"D'you think she's awake?" Mary's high pitched voice echoed through the empty hospital wing.

"I'm not sure," Alice said, poking Lily's face.

"Well I'm awake now, you twits." Lily said affectionately, sitting up against the pillows.

Her two best friends squealed and hurled themselves at her.

"Are you okay? Gosh we were so worried!"

"And you're _never _awake when we come in! It's like the only person you're ever awake for is James."

"Who's James?" Lily asked abruptly.

Her two friends exchanged a look.

Alice pointed a finger in the direction of the small chair positioned a few feet to the left with an air of one stating the obvious.

He was asleep, Lily registered with some surprise. The Potter boy was sprawled unceremoniously across the red armchair, his chest rising and falling slowly. His hair was messier than ever, and the absence of his glasses highlighted his dark eyelashes.

"That's Potter." Lily said stupidly.

"_James _Potter." Alice added.

"...Right." Lily said, not that the name rung any bells. Her eyes drifted back to where he slept. Did everyone look younger in sleep?

"You don't remember him?" Mary asked, softly.

Lily shook her head.

"But you were with him the day you were attacked!" Alice interjected impatiently.

"I was?" Lily repeated cluelessly, but her mind raced. He was with her? Then he must know what happened. Potter had known the answers she wanted all along. But he had never told her. Why was that?

"You were on a date with him in Hogsmeade."

"..."

Lily felt her cheeks color slightly in spite of herself. She glanced at the sleeping boy again. They were going out?

"Poor James," Mary added quietly. "When he finally gets you on a date after asking you out for _years, _this happened."

Lily shifted uncomfortably beneath the sheets, the inexplicable sadness in his eyes seemed to make sense now.

"What happened that night?" Lily asked quickly, partly because it was about time somebody told her, and partly to change the subject from James Potter.

"We don't know the whole story." Alice said, sitting heavily on the edge of Lily's bed. "All we know is you were attacked by You-know-who and his followers. You do know who he is, right?"

Had Lily forgotten the man who had forced her to watch her back every moment because he and his followers were determined to rid the world of her kind? If only. She gave a short, mirthless laugh in response.

"They wanted you on their side." Mary said softly.

"As if!" Lily spat in disgust. Even without remembering it happening, the very thought of being asked to join the Death Eaters made her blood boil with rage.

"That's all we know." Mary said.

"Fancy seeing you here, Mary, Alice." called a sleepy voice from the corner.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Morning, James"

"Afternoon, actually," Mary contradicted, glancing at her watch.

Alice swore. "We've got detention, damn it! We'll see you later, Lils."

"Detention?" Lily asked as her friends gave her hurried hugs and swept out the door. "What for?"

"They got caught trying to sneak in here to see you." Potter said, sounding amused. Lily could have sworn she heard him mutter '_amateurs_' under his breath.

"Why don't you have detention then?" Lily asked, folding her arms.

"For what?" Potter asked innocently.

"For sneaking in here!" Lily exclaimed, her face coloring a little at the memory of what Alice had told her about him.

"There's the Evans I know." he laughed fondly.

"My name's Lily," she said abruptly.

"I know," he said, his lips curving up into a bemused smile.

"Were we not on first name terms or something? Were we friends?" The words sounded pathetic to her own ears. She knew what Alice and Mary had told her, but she wanted to hear it from him. Merlin, this was a fine kettle of fish. She still didn't know what had happened the night she was attacked and here she was, prodding James Potter about what they used to be.

He ran his fingers through his hair, mussing it even more. "No we were friends! Of course we were-are- friends, right?"

Lily sighed in frustration. Did he just ask her a question in response to hers? "Potter, I just met you."

"But it isn't like that, not really," he said, holding her gaze with his spectacular eyes, almost pleadingly. "You've known me for six years. More, even."

"But for me-I mean the me I am now, after, I don't know you. I don't know anything! I don't know anything except what people tell me, and then how do I know whom to believe?!" The panic was rising again like hot vomit.

"I'm sorry." James said quietly.

"Tell me everything." she asked softly, leaning back against her pillows and breathing deeply in attempt to quell her panic.

"You just said you don't know whom to believe." he said wryly, picking idly at some fraying threads on the arm of his chair.

"I believe you." she said irrationally. But it was true. For whatever reason, the one person she trusted was the one person she couldn't remember. There was something about the genuine warmth of his smile, or maybe the way he looked at her, that made her trust him beyond all reason.

"We were friends. Actually I think-" he paused to glance at her quickly, then looked away. "I think we were a little more than friends."

"Look who's awake! " boomed a happy voice as three boys entered the ward, effectively interrupting the conversation.

Potter facepalmed.

"Sirius!" Lily said, smiling. "Hello Remus, Peter."

"You remember _us_, though?" Remus asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Apparently?" Lily said, shrugging.

"We have come to rescue Prongs from this place!" Sirius cried with the air of a hero.

Potter began to protest, but the boys had clearly anticipated this. Remus and Peter each grabbed one of his arms and hauled him out of the ward.

Lily met his hazel eyes for just a moment. He smiled helplessly.

Sirius waited until the sound of Potter's protests had grown distant before he spoke. "So Lily, I hear you remember everything except Prongs." The previous playful enthusiasm that had pervaded his voice earlier was gone, replaced by a hollow, serious tone.

"If by Prongs you mean Potter, yes. I also don't remember what happened the night of the attack."

"Are you sure you're not just doing this just to fuck with his mind? You're really not just pretending?"

"Pretending?" Lily hissed. "You think I'm just pretending to have no memory of being attacked by You-know-who?! You think I enjoy having no clue what is going on? Think I just like the attention?"

"Okay, okay," Sirius said, "I had to check."

He regarded her for a moment.

"For whatever reason, you really mean a lot to him. You not remembering, its killing him."

Lily shrugged helplessly.

"He's my best mate." Sirius said, a trace of sadness entering his voice. "He spent years chasing you, Evans, did you know that?"

"I think we were getting to that part when you showed up."

Sirius shook his head. "Its just Prongs' luck that when he finally gets you to go out with him you bloody lose your memory."

"Sirius...all this sounds like it happened to someone else. I honestly...I feel terrible but I don't remember any of it."

"I know." Sirius said, and in hearing that simple phrase, she felt as though he understood.

"Sirius, what happened that night? "

"You two were on your first date in Hogsmeade, weren't you? Prongs was so excited it was like he was fucking thirteen again." Sirius paused to roll his eyes. "And then you guys were attacked by a gang of Death Eaters who brought you to You-know-who."

"Alice said they wanted us to join their side." Lily said, shuddering.

Sirius nodded. "Of course, you two refused. So they tortured you to see if you'd break and go over to the Dark Side."

"They tortured us?!"

"And at some point someone cast a memory charm on you."

"Why?"

"I don't know. Prongs reckons it was because you guys were getting away and they didn't want our side to be able to use you as fighters. They cast a memory charm just as you guys were apparating away, but only hit you."

Lily sat motionless as the weight of the true story sunk in. She had been tortured. She had been with James. Someone had cast a memory charm on her. Somebody had robbed her of her memory.

"I'd like to meet the bastard who did it." Lily breathed angrily.

"Yeah, me too. Must not have been a very good charm though," Sirius observed, furrowing his brow. "The caster only managed to take your memories of James and that night away. It didn't affect your own ability to cast spells at all, did it?"

"I dunno. " Lily said. "Dumbledore took my wand."

"Ah right, after _that_ little fiasco. James told me all about it. Well here, use mine."

He handed her his wand with no hesitation. The wood felt unfamiliar, and it didn't fit perfectly in her hand the way her own wand did, but it felt good to hold a wand again. Sirius watched as she levitated a pile of chocolate frogs across the room, turned the armchair an ugly shade of yellow, transfigured the pitcher on her nightstand into a rat and back again and even cast a particularly nice jelly legs jinx on Sirius himself.

"All right all right, that's enough already!" he yelled, doing an involuntary tap dance around the room until she removed the spell and tossed his wand back.

"I think its pretty clear your spellwork wasn't affected." Sirius said, crashing onto the now yellow armchair and massaging his feet.

"Yeah, good thing." Lily said, relieved. Sirius was right though, there was something off about the memory charm that she couldn't pinpoint.

Before she could express this suspicion to Sirius, a round of laughter echoing down the hall told them that James, Remus, and Peter had returned.

"That's my cue. Later, Evans. " Sirius said.

"Wait! Sirius. Why does Pot-James never leave?"

Sirius sighed and shrugged. "Isn't it obvious? He loves you."

And with that, Sirius Black made his exit from the ward.

* * *

**Author's Note:** My sincerest apologies for the late posting. I swear I had it uploaded on Doc Manager and everything but then something came up and I never actually posted it.

Kindly review, if you have a moment. I truly appreciate your favorites and alerts as well, but some constructive criticism regarding what you enjoyed or could be improved would be greatly appreciated too.

Next chapter to be posted as soon as possible, but please review in the mean time!

Yours,

VictoryNike

9/13/2014


End file.
